“Growing up” in the shadow of alcoholics was never complete. While I grew up physically, I learned that did not grow up emotionally and to this day, there are times where I still find myself asking, “What is it like to be normal?” In our house, abnormal was normal. It was violent, raw and rage was always bubbling just below the surface. I learned to be hyper-vigilent every waking and non-waking moment of my day. I learned and quickly adopted new ways of thinking, feeling, and acting. I learned to react not act. It was twice as hard for me sometimes because psychically I knew what was coming or knew "something" wasn't right. Nowadays when shaken and stirred, I still might respond with gut reactions gleaned from survival lessons learned as a child. 

In my struggle to find some normalcy, I found some research I'd like to share with you. When I  first read it many years ago, a wave of relief came over me: I was not alone. I thanked God for the information that unlooked so many doors for me... answered so many questions for me. I also thanked God later in my life for Melody Beattie. She wrote the book, "Co-dependant No More." For me the book was a revelation and it offered me relief.

In 1983, Dr. Janet Woititz, developed a list of 13 common traits of Adult Children of Alcoholics (more commonly known by the acronym ACOA.) While these traits are general whereby some may apply and others may not, you may recognize some of them: 

Adult Children of Alcoholics… 

•                 guess at what normal is. 

•                 have difficulty in following a project through from beginning to end.


•                 lie when it would be just as easy to tell the truth.


•                 judge themselves without mercy.

•                 
have difficulty having fun.


•                 take themselves very seriously.


•                 have difficulty with intimate relationships.

•                 overreact to changes over which they have no control.


•                 constantly seek approval and affirmation.


•                 feel that they are different from other people.


•                 are either super responsible or super irresponsible.


•                 are extremely loyal, even in the face of evidence that loyalty is undeserved.


•                 tend to lock themselves into a course of action without giving serious consideration to alternative behaviors or possible consequences. This impulsivity leads to confusion, self- loathing, and loss of control of their environment. As a result, they spend tremendous amounts of time cleaning up the mess.


Still there are other characteristics you might identify with. In 1978, Tony A., published what he called “The List.”  It is comprised of traits commonly exhibited by ACOA. According to Tony A's list, many adult children of alcoholics can:

•                 Become isolated

•                 Fear people and authority figures

•                 Become approval seekers

•                 Be frightened of angry people

•                 Be terrified of personal criticism

•                 Become alcoholics, marry them or both

•                 View life as a victim

•                 Have an overwhelming sense of responsibility

•                 Be concerned more with others than themselves

•                 Feel guilty when they stand up for themselves

•                 Become addicted to excitement

•                 Confuse love and pity

•                 'Love' people who need rescuing

•                 Stuff their feelings

•                 Lose the ability to feel

•                 Have low self-esteem

•                 Judge themselves harshly

•                 Become terrified of abandonment

•                 Do anything to hold on to a relationship

•                 Become "para-alcoholics" without drinking

•                 Become reactors instead of actors

As a child of 2 adult alcoholics, I invite you look at a technique that was developed almost 2 decades ago. It was designed by Gary Craig and Adrienne Fowlie to help humanity find emotional freedom and it is called Emotional Freedom Techniques or Tapping. I have been personally using this effect and easy-t0-use tapping technique for the past year and, so far, the results has been surprisingly effective. 

With each event that I address, I find that not only does it bring me to a place of understanding and forgiveness but I have developed a deeper sense of compassion, not only for myself but for my parents and siblings, as well. It has helped me to address my incapacity to love, childhood fears and issues of control amoung other things, and I am left with an unending spiritual peace... emotional freedom if you will.  

The beauty of EFT is that it is not an either or therapy modality. It can be and is currently combined with various therapy modalities as well as allopath medicine.  As I continue my journey to wellness I continue to share with other ACOC’s what has worked well for me.  I hope that you will consider EFT as an effective tool in finding your personal emotional freedom.

To your inner beauty... may you discover it is there. Blessings, Merry