 Let this be the year that we stop emotionally 'bypassing' and/or 'spiritually' bypassing people's feelings.
. It denies the truth of those hurting. . This is what it sounds like... and what it feels like: . "Just get past it." (Seriously. You haven't taken the time to understand what the person is trying to process or get past) . "I want you to stop feeling ____ and do ______ instead!" (Because feelings are yucky and THEY don't want to deal with it. So to make themselves feel better, they want you to do this <non-emotional> response instead) . "Everything is okay" (In that moment everything or anything in that person's world is NOT okay and they need to be seen, heard express their feelings to someone that they feel safe with) . "This is just a lesson in enlightenment." (Someone is grieving so save it and go enlighten yourself) . Next time someone comes to you, remember that everyone is still healing from things they don't speak about. . Instead of offering them sage advice, sincerely listen to what's being said. . Then ask them how you can be there for them instead.
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 It's not your fault that you don't trust or understand what your body is trying to tell you.
. Society has taught us that logic is valued over emotions -- that we shouldn’t question our feelings or we should bypass them completely. This can sound like... . “I’m probably making it all up.” “Their behavior is not ‘that’ bad.” “If I don’t go along with their game plan, they’ll leave me.’” . Once you learn how your body communicates, you’ll rarely second guess what it's trying to tell you. . For example: The moment you notice something feels ‘off’ your body starts sending you warning signs -- a thought that plays over and over in your head; a voice that screams loudly at you to beware; your stomach aches when you’re near a certain someone, but stops once you’re away from them. . On the other hand, when something or someone feels ‘right,’ your body feels relaxed, at peace and joyful. . So how do you apply this approach to dating? . My client *Claire struck up a conversation with a guy she’d met at a bar. When she went to the bathroom and came back, she picked up her drink and sensed that something was ‘different.' Instead of drinking it, she decided to get up and leave. A few months later, the same guy was picked up for drugging and raping a woman in another state. . Claire could have completely ignored her feelings but what she told me was she couldn't shake this nagging feeling that something was wrong with her drink. . Intuition. . It’s designed to keep you safe. . Please pay attention to it. . If you don't understand what your intuition is trying to tell you or you’re not sure how to get clear messages, I have something in the works that can help you. Details coming soon. . Self-awareness questions: - How many times have you felt like something was off about someone and ignored it? - What would your relationships look like if you had just paid attention to the red flags? - What would be different about your dating approach if you tuned into and listened to your gut? . *The narrative is real but names have been changed for client confidentiality  Acceptance.
. Is understanding what you can and can’t control, including other people’s behaviors. . Acceptance doesn’t mean that you tolerate someone’s behavior. . Nor does it mean surrendering. . Acceptance means allowing people and things to be who and what they are without trying to change them into something different. . For instance, if you’re in a relationship with someone who continues to cheat on you and despite your requests for them to stop, you can move into acceptance by understanding the components of the relationship: That controlling someone's behavior is out of your control and by observing their consistent behavioral patterns, this is most likely the way the relationship will continue to play out. . Once you understand what’s on the table, you can determine how much time, effort and energy you want to expend on the relationship based on the way things are. . Acceptance is a journey. . When you’re no longer struggling to be at peace, able to see and accept things the way that they are, then decide what you want to do about it, you’ll know that you’ve arrived. . . Self-Love Challenge: What behavior(s) can you change that can lend to peaceful living? . . P.S. If you’re struggling to accept, figure out what’s within your control or develop strategies to manage what you can, then a Clarity Coaching session can help. Click on the link to get started. www.MerryStreet.com  Spring has sprung!
. Here is one of my favorite *Essential Oil blends that puts me into a state of bliss. . Palmarosa and Lavender are keys to this Essential Oil combo. . Both are said to promote peace, great for shifting moods and are wonderful providers of comfort and support. . What are your favorite 'peace-based Essential Oil combos? . *Children and pets are highly sensitive to essential oils. In some cases they can be harmful. Please follow usage guidelines and/or speak with your physician if you have any concerns. . . #essentialoils #spring #bliss #selfloveisthebestlove #selfcaresunday  Change.
. You cannot change people into what you want them to be but what you can do is change your own personal dynamics. . Self awareness is the first step. . The next is to practice self care and end and/or stop participating in toxic behaviors that allow people to... . Interfere with your physical, mental, emotional or spiritual growth. . Ignore, play down or dismiss your emotions. . Gaslight you. . Take advantage of you. . The truth is, people are not necessarily toxic but it's their behaviors that may be toxic for you. . Remember... you have the right to set boundaries and the power to decide if you want a person in or out of your life. . . Self-Care Questions: - What steps can you take to make positive changes in your relationship and/or life? - How can you nurture yourself today? - What can you do differently to reduce the amount of toxicity in your life?  Perspective.
. There’s an exercise that I use with clients called, “Looking Forward and Reasoning Back.” . It helps them gain perspective when they are struggling with their career, finances, health or relationships. . Here’s how it works. . Take a moment and view yourself at the end of your life. . Now, go back to an ‘exact’ moment in time when you were stressed and/or worried. . Move forward from that event 24 hours and look back at the event. . What was happening in that very moment, that in the scheme of things and in the totality of your life, that was so important and so critical that you could not allow yourself grace? . In perspective, is what you were stressed out and/or worried about even relevant now? . Whenever you find yourself in a similar situation, take the time and look back. . This will help you make more thoughtful decisions in the present instead of making highly emotional ones that may not serve you well in the future. . Perspective. . Take the time to gain it now. . . Are you in need of some perspective? A Clarity Coaching session can help. Click on this link to get started.  What's love got to do with it?
. In a word, "NOTHING." . Loving someone isn't enough to hold a relationship together. . If it were, relationships would be clear cut and they wouldn't be a challenge figuring them out. . Relationships don't work for one of two reasons... . 1. You're with the right person but... you have poor communication habits; you're unable to create the intimacy level that you desire or makes you feel safe; you don't know how and/or are afraid to ask for what you want; you/they stopped putting time and energy into the relationship. . or... . 2. You're with the wrong person... Your relationship style is incompatible; you don't share enough values and common goals; you sabotage relationships by looking for and finding 'flaws' thereby subconsciously confirming over and over again that you're not lovable and cannot create successful relationships; you can't give each other what you both need. To solve this issue, you've got to start with a solid plan that details what YOU are looking for in a mate. . If you don't have one in place, you're not (ever) going to hit your relationship target and you'll be stuck with Mr/s. Wrong all over again... and again... and again. . If you're sick of Groundhog Day Dating and you're ready to get clear on what it is that you truly desire, click on the button below to get started. . If you have a friend or loved one who needs relationship advice, feel free to tag them or pass this along. https://www.merrystreet.com/ |
AuthorI help women use their intuition to stop wasting time on Mr. Wrong and use it to find Mr. Right. ArchivesCategories |
Merry Street
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Life is stressful enough. Add dating or relationship issues to the mix and stress levels can really ramp up. To help you release all of that pent-up anxiety, I've created a "Stress Buster" Toolkit. It contains tips on how to handle stress, an stress-buster “EFT/tapping” video, wallpaper phone quotes and an audio meditation. Not only it will leave you stress free but feeling fabulous as well. Grab your copy by clicking on the link below.
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